Do not ever wait to enjoy your parents, do it now.
Let them know how much they mean to you, now.
Tell them how much you love them,
show them how much they mean to you, now
May it be in both words and actions.
May I revisit the topic about family? Please!!!
We established that not everyone is lucky to have a loving close-knit family, isn’t it? But, if they are fairly ‘sane’ and supportive, take it and run. Yeah, run!
Why am I saying this?
Well for starters, it is difficult, probably extremely difficult, to attract the success we want without close friends and family to love and support us unconditionally. (Covered this in my free eBook Unscratched (not))
Isn’t it amazing attaining the success we seek and have people to share it with? After all we are not islands, right?
So I will ask you again to allow me to revisit the topic about parents and healthy relationships in general.
Our parents, did the best they could, with whatever resources they had, to their best knowledge, to give us the life they never had. If you need to blame your parents for their shortcomings and you believe that it will make you feel better, then go ahead and do it, but, do not dwell on it, move away from it, forgive them, forget and build something new with them.
“If you haven’t forgiven yourself something,
how can you forgive others?”
(Note: This is only applicable to instances where there hasn’t been any extreme abuse that need professional therapy or help, otherwise read on )
Believe it to not, a man’s character is determined by how they treat others even when no one is watching.
Charity begins at home.
Start with your parents, give them what you would like your children to give you, that is love and acceptance. That is all we ever want.
Take some time and reestablish strong foundations with the people who sacrificed so much for you, from a point of meaning well but not knowing how to show it.
My personal experience (and relationship) with my mum is a deep affair. We had our share of dramas, it needs coffee and popcorns to indulge, but to be fair, I was a handful. However, for some crazy reason this flipped to the good side. Later on as an adult, every time I asked my mum to mention me in her prayers, they got answered, so for me I know my blessings pass through her and it humbles me so much. Some might assert that it is some sort of superstition but it works for me, it might as well be, so why not?
Nurturing Family Bonds
If there are people who can draw out the best in you… and the worst in you…in all possible ways… in the same breath, in the same sentence…then that would be family. They have very special powers over us.
Siblings can drive you to the wall grr! and parents…where do I even start?
But in times of crisis, the bond forged is unparalleled.
- Take some steps back and monitor how the relationship you have with family has evolved. Notice the patterns and unhelpful behaviours formed over the years. Examine the roles you play in the dynamics of the relationships. What part do you play? Have you accepted that change is inevitable?
- Banish blame. Read more about blaming effectively in my other articles about forgiveness.
- Watch your language. It has the power to create or break.
- Devise strategies to get out of arguments or defuse them immediately before they escalate.
Tip: Instead of spending time blaming and complaining about your parents for their past failures , why not just accept them for who they are, you turned out ok, or “ok-ish” anyway. For those who are in unsalvageable relationships, create your own family, find loving people who will “adopt” you as their own to act as your parents. There are people out there full of love to give, your job is to find them.
Ps: Giving up on our parents should be the very last resort, they tried with us let us do the same for them. It is a form of paying forward as our children we be watching the positive things we do and hopefully copy them.
©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021