Your Ideal Love Life This Valentine

Ok, here is one fact about me, I have been single more than I have been in relationships. Huh!

“Why?” You may wonder.

Beats me. (No, actually I do know why)

All I can say right now, in this particular phase of my life, is that I have a lot on my plate.

I have so much working on myself to do, to even accommodate any remote neediness. Only joking, not everyone is needy, it is just a shorter excuse as I finish off all my endeavours.

Valentine is here…

Media: Valentine is here!

All: Yeee! Hurray! Hip Hip, Hurray, for he’s a very good fellow, for he’s a very good fellow…

Me: Oh! No! Valentine is here!

I hope you are getting all the spoils there is to get.

I am lucky, for a single person I mean, I do fairly well. Can you imagine, some admirer got me some very very private gifts. What a hint!

Anyway, for a little reminder about relationships today, let us dig in.

Relationships are beautiful, but boy! they are work. They can be hard work…

If you can put in the work then by all means be in one. But if you can’t, you are most likely wasting someone else’s time.

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get–only with what you are expecting to give–which is everything.”

–Katharine Hepburn

Happiness…

We are seekers of happiness, to a fault, but life, life coaching in particular is about finding a balance. If being in a relationship makes you tick, be in one. But bear in mind, not everyone has it as a number one priority. Once you understand your needs and values then you know what matters to you the most.

“Where there is love there is life.”

–Mahatma Gandhi

For those in settled relationships, do you sometimes find yourself wondering whether you could sustain it? With the current unprecedented state of the world, most people are shackled together for long periods of time than ever before, this is putting a strain to even the strongest of bonds one could find.

Balance…

Having a balance can be used to mean that you have a sense that all areas of your life are in harmonious whole. All the pillars of your life including love, health, money whatnots are working together beautifully and harmoniously.

Balance is very tricky to hold, especially long term.

It is very important to know the things that matter to you as a person. Hence, emphasis on knowing your whys, your values, your visions…

(Check more on finding your core values)

To be in a healthy relationship, find balance in your life and moreso in your love life.

Activity

Here is a good exercise I can across that could help, try it.

• Grab a sheet of paper and draw a circle. Label it ‘My Centre of Relationship Balance‘
• Draw two arrows coming out of the circle, one pointing to the right and the other the opposite direction. Label the left ‘Too Little/Not Enough‘ and the right, ‘Too Much/Many‘
• Involve your partner if you can.
• Now fill in the two categories with things in your relationship that you feel are too much in an unhealthy way and those that are too little in a distractive manner.
• Now draw a representation of your ideal love life. Using the top of the page would be good. Use any symbol your like to represent your ideal relationship. ( e.g a star, tree, prism, pet etc ) Something that will represent your love life when it is most balanced.                       (Establish your relationship priority)
• Start working on each of the ‘Too Little/Not Enough’ with your partner every day steadily in a peaceful manner, then work on the ‘Too Much/Too Many’ next.
• With everyday application, you will reach your ideal relationship, hence feeling more balanced. Consider which actions your could take as individuals or as a couple to move you closer to your balanced life.

Remember:

Journal your actions on a daily basis to monitor your progress. Also, redraw your circle after a few months for new insights.

Tips:

If you are seeking a more committed relationship find out your role in what you have now. Ask yourself challenging questions.

• How do I play my role in maintaining a mutual love and respect?
• Are there behaviours in me that could be causing frictions and the tensions?
• What beliefs do I still uphold that are holding us back?
• Do we have common goals and values?
• What is working in our relationship?
• Any changes I can begin to implement?
• What actions can I take towards working on a better understanding?

Remember:

Do not forget to mediate. Take sometime out to focus on clearing the clutter in your mind.

Otherwise, may I take this time to wish you a Happy Valentine.

Lots of Love xoxo

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

 

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