Blindspots

Judging Others

Funny how we tend to forget that we all have blindspots. So easy, to judge others based on the things that they can’t see for themselves, those things that seem ‘obvious’ to us.

” I give up, you mean they can’t see how they’re sabotaging and blocking their lives?” We retort.

Here is the deal, we all have blindspots and unconscious habits or patterns that we are not aware of. It is not the end of the world though, we can all find them and eliminate them

 

At one point came to a junction and bumped into my blindspot. For so many years by best friend tried to point it out to me. I never saw it, I was too blind to see, so to speak. It was there and it was obvious. I had been in a toxic friendship for way too long. This relationship would have me blocked from any form of communication, be it phone, social media platforms etc. This happened every so often. The real problem here was that I loved too much. I justified it by saying it was just part and parcel of relationships. I would tell myself they are just protecting their “bubble’ not realising it was me who was getting the short straw. A raw bargain.

 

Imagine chatting to someone and thinking that everything was ok to wake up the next morning to no show.

Disappeared! Kaboom! Now you see me, now you don’t.

 

This person understood me, and understood perfect timing. Narcissist? Possibly. They would wait for things cool off and just like that they slip their way back to my life (mostly for something) like nothing happened. Never taking the blame, never apologising.

 

Awareness

Forgiving yourself for being human is one powerful transformation anyone could ever encounter. I embrace my humanly flaws it is the beauty of what makes me, me. Always listen to the said and the unsaid, to become more aware of your blindspots. Some may be harmless but others just create blockage.

 

Goodluck to you if it is family.

 

Remember: Boundaries are meant to protect you. Use them in healthy ways and wisely not to cause unnecessary pain (and evil) to loved ones and yourself.

PS: Mindfulness is a great tool to calm the mind and help us be more aware. Use a coach to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

Photos by Pexels.com

 

 

Procrastinating purposefully- Life Coaching

Life Coach

True and authentic life coaching comes from within ourselves. It might be fine and exciting to have a guru “psychoanalyse” your life, but you have the capabilities in you to effect change.

A life coach is great, having seen its effect in my life, I advocate for it. Coaching lets you bask in the comfort of knowing you can “fix” your life, so why not. The tricky job is you making to sure these fixes are not just elegant and beautiful wall deco for your life. Unlearn, Relearn, then practice.

 Jeni Purdie, “Life coaching is a purposeful conversation that inspires you to create your best life”

Negative Self-talk.

Force of habit does not allow us to happily change to our better self hence the negative self-talk come out to play. The monkey chats.

What are they?

These are the conversations that we love having with ourselves, and I mean the negative ones. We love our little non-productive chit-chats. The ones that demotivate you. Make you self-doubt your actions. Halt you AKA procrastinate.

Make them purposeful.

What you resist, persists.

All you need to do is make them more meaningful and purposeful. Next time you don’t feel like doing anything, relax and find out why. With you coach you can make use of life coaching by asking appropriate questions.

For instance you could ask;

Why do you act the way you do?

Why don’t you want to get out of your settee?

Is there a reason behind the procrastinating?

What are your limiting beliefs?

Do you have any options and what are they? etc

So, basically life coaching leaves you with answers. It should leaves you refreshed, inspired and allow you to dream even bigger.

It is what will make you understand your values, your “whys”, and get you doing things you never thought possible.

I would like to be the one who joins you on that amazing journey, the beginning of the rest of your life.

For a change to last it has to come from deep within yourself. Remember, some people way talented than you are doing amazing things. Join the new self-believing and confident go-getters.

 

Tips:

  • You have to recognise and rejoice in those baby steps you make.
  • Meditation helps refresh the mind and jump-start it.

NB:

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing a task or set of tasks. So, whether you refer to it as procrastination or akrasia or something else, it is the force that prevents you from following through on what you set out to do. Read more from James Clear’s article “Procrastination”

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

Oneness- What is spirituality?

There are some questions that no one should ever answer for you. These questions include and by far not limited to;

What is success?

How does a perfect marriage look like? and

What is spirituality? amongst many other person-oriented aspects of life..

What is spirituality?

Spirituality is complex. To simply it, for me it is the connection, or reconnection with oneness. It is the returning to love, which by no surprise is the greatest power there ever was. Spirituality is the reason I am in constant awe, the seeking and pursue of purpose, awe-ful!!!

It is my “Why”. My why I give, and my why I am receptive of receiving. My “How” I get things done. My role and responsibility, the get out of bed, eat healthy, share with other. It makes me stay in the now, reduces my anxieties and my worries.

 

Accessing spirituality.

 

I am not the one that seeks buildings or institutions to feel connected, I found my own version that fits my life and values. At one point in my life, like many of us sometimes experience, I was so low that nothing but the supernatural could have brought me out of it. I learned a very important skill at a very important time in my life, the power of forgiving myself.

With this power came liberation. My life dramatically changed. I forgave myself of my past, the choices and the consequences they carried, my flaws and mistakes. This gave me such amazing clarity, I attained divine peace and love like anything I had seen before. That is spirituality to me.

 

Exploring spirituality

Needless to say, as you rediscover what spirituality means to you remember these tips below, but above all remember to love you.

1. Be authentic to yourself. Do not define spirituality based solely on institutions you were brought up in, or other people’s religion or faith. Find your own path and keep seeking purpose. Like any other thing in self-development, it requires practice, give time, time!!!

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Abraham Lincoln

Have some secluded time each day, or week or even month to reconnect with your inner being. I find yoga and meditation working for me. I don’t do anything extreme yet.

2. Birds of a feather. Surround yourself with people who feed your urge to grow spiritually. We are an average for the 5 people we spend the most time with, remember?

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn

 

 

3. THINK. Put people first, then money, then fame. Ask yourself these gatekeepers questions of life before you speak…

T- is it True

H- is it Helpful

I- is it Inspiring

N- is it Necessary

K- is it Kind

4. Limiting Beliefs. Find out what beliefs are holding you back, those that are not aligned with your values. What are some of the limiting beliefs you have, do you know them?

5. You are a mortal. Accept yourself as a human, warts and all. Forgive yourself, be kind and gentle to yourself hence making it a lot easier being kind to others. Loop from heaven.

6. Other options. Use a mentor, spiritual leader or life coach to explore your spiritual journey with you.

 

Whatever you do, you come first.

 

 

Goodluck

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

 

A Comfortable Is (Very) Uncomfortable

Uncomfortable Today

A rollercoaster ride would be far much better choice than sacrifices we need for a better future.

“Uncomfortable for a comfortable tomorrow”? What does it mean? (I hope you have heard this phrase before) It basically means that, we have to endure some changes to have our dream future.

Albeit Einstein is credited for saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”

 

Change is Inevitable

Change is inevitable and is very uncomfortable.

There are days when the last thing you want to do is use your “last” energy to go for a jog or cook healthy meals or blog…just kidding, am I?

Making any change is hard, but what is even harder is having to choice the right thing every single day.

 

Here are some tips on staying on top of the game.

  1. Realise the stage in life you are in, affects your attitudes towards change. What this means is that a person in there 70s might not embrace change like they did when they were in there 20s. Know the stage and be gentle to yourself. Just because you are having a bad day, or week or month doesn’t account for who you are as a whole.
  2. Let go of things that do not serve you. Certain habits just make it even harder to embrace change. For instance, if you like drinking alcohol before bed, but you know very well the whole of your next morning will be ruined. The morning will entail nursing a hangover and moaning the whole day, that in itself should be an indicator that you should stay away from the drinking. You know jogging (insert that which applies) will not be happening as long as you continue drinking alcohol before bed.
  3. Be forgiving (and again gentle) to yourself. Some radical changes, however positive, can take one into a process similar to bereavement. Give yourself time to grieve and be kind to the person that matters the most, you.
  4. Above all, never give up. Keep making small steps towards the good, give time, time. Consistency does it.

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

My Not So Free Magazine- Intergrity

Back To Normal-ish

With the shops now opened in England, we are spoiling ourselves rotten. I have popped in a few shops myself, over the last couple of weeks.

I love my books, magazines, you name it… just about anything that could potentially quench my curious nature (Or maybe just easily bored self)

Today as I went through my latest and newest Reading magacollections, I found a “weird” looking magazine. I had no recollection of where it came from. That in itself intrigued me and baffled me even further. Grabbed my cup of coffee, sat down and made myself comfortable with my throw. But then, it became stranger and stranger. This magazine had actual content in it, if you know what I mean, it is not something anyone would forget buying. (Oopsy!)

Not So Free

My initial hope was that I was about to drool and feast on what’s new in our shop. Nope, not with this magazine. Checked it out and that is when I realised that it did have the price printed on it. It costed £1.99. I really don’t remember buying it let alone paying for it.

As I jogged my memory, I remembered an incident that happened recently. Had  picked up a “free” magazine

from one of the shops on my way out.  That is where one expects the shop’s catalogue usually is, isn’t it? All I can now recall is a lady looking at me and I assumed that she did because she loved my newly dyed blonde hair. Smiled and continued my way.

Here is the pickle, I can’t take it back to pay for it, as I have no idea from where I picked it up from. It doesn’t say, my memory is beyond wits. So I have to deal with the guilt for quite a long time until I either forget about it or figure it out, whichever comes first.

Integrity ( & Character )

Integrity this is the ability to do the right thing even when no-one is watching. It is the one thing we need to safeguard with all our might. A person of high value is able to build lasting and sustainable systems and leave a legacy behind. Be it in their family, business or whatever interactions they have.

No one tells us or demands of us to be of exceptional character, it is a choice we have to make day in, day out.

  • It is what makes as smile at the bus driver.
  • Open the door to that elderly lady.
  • Apologise for forgetting being on the wrong lane.
  • Take back that extra apple the grocery man accidentally gave you.

You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.

-Henry Ford

If you want to live an extraordinary life, do extraordinary things and be extraordinary.

 

That said what should I do?

 

Take Care!

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann

 

We Learn Everyday-My Linktree

Tips To Looking Forward To Each Day

 

“One thing I can get excited about today is…”

That is something I have to reflect upon every single morning before I wake up, and I love it.  “The High Performance Planner”  is a journal I bought recently that help me set the tone for my day before I can even sneeze, achew! I think it is amazing to dig into my brains to find something to be excited about.

So interestingly, I have indeed been bumping into exciting things. My latest one, was my beauty and wellness store, it is up and running. As one would expect, you get all the training one needs. With all these trainings, I learned about Linktree.

 

What is Linktree? Can I just copy paste it for you from Wikipedia?

(…Founded in 2016, it is made to provide a landing page for a person or company’s entire associated links in social media, which rarely allows linking multiple sites. The site was inspired by the developers’ annoyance with social media, in which it can’t allow multiple hyperlinks…)

Downright, professional…

Look forward to your day

How does one find something to look forward to, every flaming day!!!

Amazing how quickly our lives can become all grey and gloomy, how it can end up with not even a spot of colour.

Our culture celebrates and advocates for waiting for that vacation, that degree, that spouse, that…that…yawn!

Splash! Some colour, don’t wait  for”that thing,” quit waiting.

 

Tips;

  • Be open to learning a new thing everyday, say yes to life.
  • As a bear minimum, you need just one thing to look forward to everyday, success is about abundance remember?
  • Take a moment to reflect on your ideal day in details from the moment you wake up.
  • Practice self-care
  • Keep a heart full of gratitude.

Take Care

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

Ps:

I don’t earn any commission for the recommendation.

Check out my Linktree here

 

Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover-Quick to Judge

“What seems nasty, painful and even evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength. If faced with an open mind, every moment is a golden one for anyone who has the vision to recognise it as such.” 

Henry Miller 

It is all good, even the bad (stuff) 

 Something interestingly weird happened to me this week and I just have to share it. 

 You know how much easier it is to have a positive mindset when everything is working, right?  But, in order to appreciate life and its beauty we have to experience the good, and their opposites. That’s what we call living to the fullest. 

  Thank you all for those who have been following my blogs and videos on YouTube. You probably must have heard me mention my hearing loss quite a few times (Allow me not to repeat the ordeal today, it gets tiresome and boring)  

We are so quick to judge.  

Before I embark on my story. 

 Have you ever felt judged? Ever got the feeling someone hardly knew you but they already created a presumption of you? Have you ever caught someone off guard when they let slip of what they think of you? 

Munchausen’s syndrome 

Presumptions (or prejudgements) obviate the need to genuinely get to know someone. 

(Munchausen’s syndrome is a psychological disorder where someone pretends to be ill) 

 

The biggest “Oopsy” Moment 

 Let me tell you what happened to me just a few days ago. 

Some human being had an “Oopsy!” moment. 

This person was trying to show me something but as they did so something slipped and it showed their previous conversation, about me. As a blogger it has to go down on pen and paper, in my case keyboard and screen. 

This “Oopsy!” showed the conversation they had had with someone else regarding my hearing, this person believed that it was all made up.  

 The conversation stated that I was probably not hard-of-hearing at all as I claim to be. And yes, the conversation lingered on the screen long enough for me to read it. I was being good, focussed, and concentrating on what was being shown to me rather than the presumptuous comments about me. 

 As much as I understand that some people lie about such things, sickness, I was left wondering what they thought I stand to gain by my lying. 

The bad 

Presumptions can be a killer. 

Pretend? Why would I pretend about a medical condition? 

I am the only one who totally understands how this affects me, and has over the years. No one else will ever understand my journey better than I do. The opportunities I missed, the bruising of my confidence, having a child who had to learn how to shout. Pretend? Even my very current further studies application took longer than necessary. The tutors had no idea how I would manage in the noisy environment and hence needed my assurance. I felt drilled just to make it through. At some point I even thought they were considering pulling out. Pretend? 

The Good 

Good thing I am equipped with life coaching resources and knowledge now. I am far from the person I was years ago, all young and naive. Did it hurt? Of course, it did, I am not made of steel just because I choose positivity. Could it have taken me back to dark ages? Possibly, not. It is all about my mindset. I now know how to create my ideal life which has got nothing to do with what people think of me, but what I think of myself. 

Silver lining 

I came from not wanting to wear any hearing aids to have state of the art type. I started off by trying the free hearing aids but they never worked for me. So, when one judges, it hurts. So far, I have spent over £5k on hearing aids, bad for my pocket, good for my ears. My newest one has Bluetooth and has helped transform my life to have a semblance of normalcy.  

 Yeah, before you judge anyone ask yourself what you stand to gain. If it doesn’t serve you and doesn’t serve the victim, ditch it. It was an accident I was never meant to ever know but it could have been avoided. 

Don’t judge a book by its cover.  

I spent over 10 years of my life rebuilding what I thought was broken, revamping my confidence, and such a small mistake, if allowed, could ruin everything I have ever worked hard for.   

Hold your judgement beautiful people. Hold your judgement. 

 

Ps: Writing is such a therapy. I have lived to tell my truth. 

Take care. Be good.  

Photo Credit: Ekaterina Bolovtsova, Andrea Piacquadio and cottonbro from Pexels

  

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021 

She Is Curving Too Soon.

As mothers most of us will see her as the 15-16-17 yr old girl she is. But sadly some people will see a woman depending on how developed her curves seem. 

Some will want her for all the wrong reasons. 

She is faced with 3 humanly response. 

Fight, Flight or Freeze

Fight back until they see her as a “fellow man” that never needs them. So they end up leaving her alone. She then remains too strong for too long. Vulnerability becomes her worst enemy. Build on her own, demolish on her own, cry on her own…

Flight, flee from all of them, the good ones and the bad ones too. Never engage, never get a chance to love or be loved. 

And then we have…

Freeze, stay put and do nothing. No flinching and get the abuse. Never fighting back, never speaking up, until she eventually loses her voice, forever. 

All these are just natural responses known to humanity since the beginning of time.

When a girl starts discovering herself and the change in her body, she risks being prey to human vultures. How then she acts depends on all of us as a society, this is down to us people.

WHY be involved?

Fight, Flight or Freeze

What can you teach her? ( Learn about gender equality)

How can she cope and with what tools?

Your role and responsibility in all this?

Empower

We do have a solution, it is called female empowerment. Empower her to be emotionally intelligent. Teach her when to run and when to hide, when to stay and watch things unfold. Give her the tools to play her role in life with confidence and ‘like a badass’ she is. Enable her to spot and know that all attention isn’t good attention. Attention doesn’t necessarily translate to love, right?

Rock being a badass

Just because someone is showering you with all the attention you never had, doesn’t mean the person loves you. Some are just socio-paths, topic for another day. Never confuse attention with love.

Our Role

#ubuntu

Teach her on how to judge all cases, individually, to reconnect with her instincts…

…to tell apart, to study, to be aware of self and the environment around her. 

Give her the right tools and information for her to know that she has full control. Control isn’t somewhere out of reach, it is not mystical. She is the driver of her life, she should never doubt that. And when things go wrong like they sometimes do, she has it within herself to gain back power, because no-one can take it from her without her permission.

All about choice…

She can choose how to handle the situation(s) ….and herself. 

Use her gifts to uplift others and be of great contribution to the society.

Yes, she can be a child, of course she still is, but still own it like a boss.

 

Thank You

Dedicated to a young person I know who is becoming a victim of yet another misguided attention.

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

Ps: Join us every Mondays and Thursdays 9:30 am GMT, for live interviews with amazing women helping us define what success means. Aired in Facebook group “Success Your Way Movement”

Have You Experienced Schadenfreude

Take control of your life

Schadenfreude

Are some of us guilty of schadenfreude?*

You know we all sometimes do things for the strangest of reasons. Factors that may seem as strong motivators to us, may turn us into silent monsters. Simple things such as pursuit of money can turn out to be empty and shallow but gets worse when we pray for other people’s harm, or intentionally harm others for our own gain.

We have seen how COVID-19 has equaled to rocketing masks sells and hand sanitiser sells too. Now, imagine if someone had done that for their profit? Awful!

Life and its challenges.

Sometimes some misfortune just occur making one person rich and the other poor. One at peace, the other at war. 

What shouldn’t be celebrated is causing and/or praying intentional misfortunes for pleasure and self-satisfaction.I advocate for one knowing their values. Once you know what they are, and that your life doesn’t have to depend on other people’s misfortunes, you will find your true purpose in life.

Victim

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent- Elenor Roosevelt

People do things that hurt you with your permission. No, I am not trying to be judgemental, it is what it is. Whenever people do things that make you lose your cool, hurt you, bothers you just now that you allowed it to happen. 

You can stop most of this behaviours gracefully and effectively when you practice the below steps. I have covered it before but just in case you missed it.

Protect Yourself

First Step: Inform

Inform the person of where they crossed the line. Some people honestly have no idea where the ‘line’ is.

It can be something like, “Do you realise that you are shouting at me?”

“Your comment about my job hurt me”…

Second Step: Request

Request the person to stop if he persists.

For instance, “ I urge you to stop discussing about my job”

Third Step: Demand

Insist for them to stop it. You would hope, a person with sense, would have noticed their uncouth manners by now, surprise! Lo! and behold, now and again one or two will never cease to surprise.

“I insist you stop going on and on about my job”

Well, if all the above didn’t work then step four is called for.

Fourth Step: Action

Your Emotional Intelligence should play a big part here. You don’t need remarks or comeback comments, just simply take action such as leaving the room. It takes two-to-tango. Do not entertain it. Self-awareness is so important it makes you know your worth.

 None of these steps need you to raise your voice, stay calm and collected.

 

Goodluck.

 

Let me know if you have ever used the method above. Lastly, remember to always use a neutral tone when setting boundaries.

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

 

 

Source

Wikipedia

*Schadenfreude (/ˈʃɑːdənfrɔɪdə/; German: [ˈʃaːdn̩ˌfʁɔʏ̯də] (About this soundlisten); lit. ‘harm-joy’) is the experience of pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another.

Schadenfreude is a complex emotion where, rather than feeling sympathy, one takes pleasure from watching someone’s misfortune. This emotion is displayed more in children than adults. However, adults also experience schadenfreude, although generally they conceal it.[1]

‘Should’ Goals and Real Goals

Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.

Zig Ziglar

Free from Self-Judgement

We need to suspend judgement on what seems to be right or wrong especially when trying to transform our lives. (So long as you are not breaking the law)

Eliminate the ‘should’

Once you decide you are transitioning to your best self, you then have to eliminate the ‘should’, ‘oughts’ and ‘musts’ in your vocabulary.

‘Shoulds’ are those things you have convinced yourself that you have to do, you gotta do, but really don’t want to.

 

‘Shoulds’…

These things just wear you out and drain you.

An examples would be;

“I should be making more money like everyone else”

“I ought to buy a bigger car”

“I must get married and have kids by 30”

That is just what you think, it is not necessarily what you want, the society probably told you so, and the media.

You get nowhere and waste a lot of energy with the ‘should’ time to ditch them and make more fulfilling goals and dreams. Nothing slows you down like the ‘should’, ‘oughts’ and ‘musts’

Remember

  • A ‘should’ goal defers from a real goal, coaching helps you figure that out.
  • One thing about coaching you don’t have to know from the outset what exactly you need to work on, hence my job is to help you find the answer within you. I will help you identify and calm the vague dissatisfied feeling that keeps nagging you to do better. As a bonus, save you from draining your energy on things that are not for you.

 

To be good, according to the vulgar standard of goodness, is obviously quite easy. It merely requires a certain amount of sordid terror, a certain lack of imaginative thought, and a certain low passion for middle-class respectability.

 

Reach out and get more goodies than you set out to get.

 

Goodluck.

 

©Nicolle Hanselmann 2021

 

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels